Fr. Whatshisname

"Who's saying Mass?" DD#2 whispered to me yesterday. And my mind went blank.

In my defense, our parish has had a lot of personnel changes during the last six months. Still, it was embarrassing. After all, I can still remember Fr. Farrell's name (and his face) some 25 years after his death.

Which got me to thinking about how we currently address our priests, at least in my parish.

We still call them "Father," but then we use their first name. Always have in the 19 years we've been here. Growing up, there was no way on God's green Earth that I would have ever been allowed to refer to Fr. Farrell by his first name. Nor any of the associate pastors that came and went over the years, no matter how old or how young they were. My mother's cousin was the only exception--because he was family. And even he was referred to as "Father Jack."

Our new pastor is a rather quiet, conservative kind of fellow. The kind who I would naturally address using his last name. But, following the lead of others in the parish, I don't. Neither do our children. But the children address their teachers and the principal by their last names. In fact, most of the children refer to any and all adults that way. It took me awhile to become comfortable being addressed as "Mrs. Hare," but that's how the kids at the school know me. And when I'm referring to other adults--the parents of my children's friends, for example--I use their last names and encourage my children to do so as well.

I don't know whether this relative informality is good or another symptom of cultural decline. I was deathly afraid of Fr. Farrell--he had been pastor for so long that he knew most of the families in the parish and could identify us by voice in the confessional. I didn't find out until much later that many of the adults in the parish were also afraid of him. They were afraid of priests in general: priests were just one step below the angels and had absolute authority on Earth. Priests were set up on impossibly high pedestals, which must have been rather lonely.

That's not where a father should be.

I'm glad my children feel comfortable around our parish priests. They have joked with some, played pick-up games of basketball with others, groaned at the bad puns favored by another. I, too, feel much more comfortable and less like I'm being called before the Throne of the Almighty when I'm at a potluck dinner or a committee meeting.

Still, I wonder if we have crossed a line maybe should not have been crossed. If so, I am responsible for encouraging my children to do the same.

Sis#2 lives in the U.K. and refers to her pastor by his first name as well. I don't know how common that is or if it's because her pastor is so young (another "Fr. What-a-Waste") or because her BIL is a priest and so she's used to hanging around them.

What's the custom in other parishes? Is this a fairly local, Bay Area phenomenon or is it more widespread? Does the age of the priest (relative to the congregation) matter? Does the personality of the priest make a difference as well? (FWIW, my parish has a large Hispanic and a large Filipino population. Many are immigrants. They also refer to the priests by their first names. I thought it might be due to difficulties in pronunciation, but several of our parish priests have been Filipino themselves.)