Friday, January 01, 2010

Resolutions, I Have a Few...

One thing I have learned this year is to lower my sights, to scale back on my expectations of myself. I was able to finish the stationery sets my family has come to depend on receiving, but I didn't decorate the envelopes to coordinate. Sis#2 noticed in a kind of off-handed "Huh, the envelopes aren't stamped" way.

I spent a lot of 2009 on the couch (or in bed), especially after coming home from work, letting my brain veg. From talking with the nurses in the oncology unit, it will be at least six months before I feel completely "like myself." My brain has gone blank, withholding information I know I know. I blame "chemo brain" and find that I can often recall names or faces but not always both (embarrassing when I'm doing introductions, either socially or for business).

All this is in explanation of why I am trying to temper my Resolutions this year. I always feel like I should be doing more: more praying, more nurturing my family, more volunteering for my community, more responsibility at work, more writing, more exercising, more eating healthy, more "personal growth." My Resolutions traditionally run along those lines.

And, as always, 2010 will bring changes. Some I know about: my office is moving from its current location conveniently around the corner from the "Y" to further out in the SoMa. Other changes will be unexpected. Many will be beyond my control, although I will be affected.

So my goal this year to find the balance that works for me, which is a bit like standing on a ball. A great phrase I learned in biology is "dynamic equilibrium," which means that an organism constantly reacts to its environment, trying to maintain the optimum point. So I will be trying to find and maintain my "dynamic equilibrium." I need to let my body continue to heal, which means I must practice patience with myself.

Along with that, I need to continue to work on living my faith, of following Mary's example of saying "Yes."

I think that's quite enough for one year!

Okay, one more. Sis#2, one of my cousins, and I are discussing participating in the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer. It's a 2-day walk, 26 miles in all (I think) and it's held over my birthday weekend in July. I'm not in shape for it now; I don't know if I will be in 7 months. I'm nervous about committing myself to doing it, although I know other women who have participated and found it an awesome experience.

But, if not now, then when?